My girlfriend Amanda and I went to lunch at the local IHOP last month to catch up, and so I could get my 'kid fix' (she has a 6 month old daughter); and I asked her: "What do you think made the most difference for you, with the self improvement work you did, to help you attract your man?"
She thought a moment, and then commented that the daily affirmations I gave her impacted her greatly, made the most difference with how she valued herself as a person, and subsequently allowed her to attract a higher quality man, who was more suited to her, than those she chose in the past. She said, "Chris (name changed) is so patient with me and the kids. He helps to center me. He's exactly what I need."
I thought about the affirmations I gave to Amanda and I realized that the year I listened to mine every single day, for 30 days in a row, I earned my first Free Car from Mary Kay - I felt so proud of myself! I agree with Amanda wholeheartedly that listening to positive affirmations on a daily basis had a profound impact on me, and the perception I held about myself, and were a big factor in my attracting Mario.
I remember I used to make my own audio tapes of positive statements about myself and the goals I wanted to reach each year. I recently stumbled upon one when I was cleaning out my basement. It was a lot of fun to listen to that tape again and hear the person I happened to be at the time.
Discovering it reminded me that our lives are a journey to be experienced, not wished away until we reach some magically perfect point in the future. Each year we transform into someone new, just like a butterfly morphs into a beautiful, delicate creature from a plain, lumpy caterpillar.
You have the opportunity to reinvent yourself every day to become the person you want to be. Every thought you think about yourself is a choice you make that is within your control. You do not have to rely on the perceptions that your parents, siblings, teachers, or friends placed on you when you were little. You can recreate the belief system you hold about yourself in a very short amount of time.
A belief is just a thought you choose to think over and over, and just because you have a belief does not mean that it is true or even a fact. There are people who believe in UFO's and aliens from other planets. Do they exist? I don't know. It doesn't matter what I think about it - if they believe it, it's true for them.
What does matter is; what do you believe to be true about yourself? Have you ever taken a moment to think about why you think those thoughts about yourself? Could it be someone else told you something repeatedly when you were an impressionable young person; and because they were older and you believed they knew everything because they were an adult, you presumed it must be true, so you chose to start believing the statement to be true for you as well?
I work with a girl who is extremely talented, bright, and capable; yet she thinks she is dumb because her father told her that she would amount to nothing if she didn't acquire a college degree. He also repeatedly told her she was stupid while growing up. Even now, as an adult, he continues to haunt her with degrading phrases of that nature. The interesting thing is; he doesn't have a degree. So, by his logic, does he amount to nothing?
Could it be possible that he doesn't feel good about himself, and he wants his kids to do better than he did, so he sends the message about receiving a college education, but because he wasn't parented well either, he's unable to share that message in a positive and productive way? She's working on finishing her degree now, but not because her dad thinks she should, rather, because it's the right choice for her in this moment. She is still working on changing her thoughts about herself, and she gets better at it every day, with continual practice.
What beliefs do you think you would hold about yourself if you had been perfectly parented? Take a moment and write some down. Do you love yourself? Did anyone ever tell you that you're beautiful? Do you believe that you're smart? Did you get what you wanted as a child or do you tell yourself that you don't deserve to have what you want, because if you did, why didn't you get what you wanted? Do you think that you don't matter?
If you were parented perfectly who would you be most important to? Who would be the most important people to you? Which of your beliefs hold the most significance for you? Rank your list in order of importance to you, and begin your affirmations with the one that feels the most meaningful to you. If you're having trouble, start with a list of beliefs about yourself such as:
• I love myself • I am loved • I am lovable • I am smart • I am talented • I am important • I am worthy • I am beautiful • I am pretty • I am desirable • I am sexy • I believe in myself • I am deserving • I deserve love • I am kind • I am loving • I am giving • I am trusting
If any of the beliefs feel too far away or untrue to you, then you can add qualifying words in front to help bring the statements closer to reality for you. For example, "I am beginning to learn to love myself".
You could make your own affirmation tape with the above statements or a complete list of your own. Or if that feels too challenging, you could start with a simple note on your mirror of just one of the statements. If you are concerned that someone may come into your house and see your note, you could put the note on the inside of a cabinet on a brightly colored piece of paper that feels good to you. Then take another piece of blank paper of the same exact color and cut it into little pieces and tape those pieces up around your house.
When your eye sees the color, your subconscious will make the association to the note written on the same colored paper in your cabinet and it will be as good as reading the words directly. You'll be reminded more often than just when you are in the cabinet and you won't feel embarrassed if someone happens to read your note. Repeated affirmations are just one way to change beliefs you hold about yourself into more positive ones.
In the meantime, get to work on loving yourself as much as possible, so that your man can love you more! (If that's even possible - wink!) Until you get there, lean into my belief in you and your greatness, your beauty and capacity for all possibilities to come true for you. I believe in you. You are loved.
Your man is already out there waiting for you to be ready to allow him into your life; you just have to believe it. Be patient and enjoy your journey. Trust me, he will be worth the wait, and soon you'll be telling the story of who you used to be before you met.
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